Do we have goal setting backwards?
“And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
This year I set my intentions for the new year on a breath-taking, secluded trout farm in Dullstroom. I limited myself to less than 100 words and on the eve of 31st December, I (with friends and loved ones) sent Chinese lanterns off into the night sky – to symbolise our wishes. I love the power of ritual and community!
Life is truly a constant “moment-to-moment” balancing act. We often create goals based on what we think we want and who we think we are or should become – often influenced by what we think we ought to want and based on social norms, collective belief, “peer pressure” and/or external influences. Which results in living from the outside-in.
People have desires. And the remarkable thing about the human race is we are always curious and trying to figure everything out. Fact is though, sometimes we realise that what we thought we wanted was not what we actually needed and that what we thought to be true and based on “fact”, was only partially true. We also realise (although we do as much as we can to create a “sense” of predictability) that we are not actually 100% in control of how life unfolds.
I often experience extremes in terms of what drives me. On the one hand I love to “plug into the moment” and am agile & resilient, playing with the changing moment and celebrating the flow of life. (A.K.A. freedom to create in the moment)
On the other, I want to control my environment and for everything I create to be perfect! I want to be super-competent and useful and get it ALL DONE – and at 111%! This results in me sometimes getting distracted from living (my life) from my inner wisdom (a.k.a. my truth), as I am so busy trying to work out “the right” way and striving for an unattainable perfection (which, even if it did exist, is actually not sustainable).
The danger here is that I sometimes allow myself to be pulled off my “true” course by my desire to “get it right” (although there is no real rule book out their defining what “right living is”)!
I know I am here to live my highest purpose – but to be honest, this purpose (although at its core is more or less unchanging) evolves as I do – it is not fixed.
“The only thing constant in life is change”
― François de La Rochefoucauld
My catch phrase is, “feel the chemistry of authentic living!” And I have always been all about FEELING and sensation. I literally “feel it in my bones” and in my heart. We all do.
The mind is a great tool and friend – but if you get stuck in your head and allow it to rule you, you run the very real risk of missing out on being present for your life.
On my homepage I describe my personal reasons for why I do what I do and what I believe as such:
Life is a constant process of learning, embodying and evolving. This is what I term “living alchemy”. The process of self-discovery, self-development and transformation is dynamic and limitless – there is always more to explore, more to be, more to feel!
So, for 2014, besides 3 “core focuses” (a.k.a intended outcomes/goals), I decided to simplify my wish list the following way:
Words have a vibration. And they have a texture and meaning.
So, I chose 3 “words” and 5 “feelings” to guide my actions from the inside-out. Words to describe the experiences I hope to co-create and experience.
Feelings that will help me navigate life as it unfolds.
I was inspired to chose 5 core desire feelings after watching Marie Forleo interview Danielle la Porte where she describes how to align your goals with soul – a method I totally resonate with!
Here are some questions that might spark an “aha” in you:
How do you currently feel in all areas of your life?
How do would want to feel?
What would “feeling” that give you?
What could you do to cultivate that core desire feeling?
For example: One of my “core desire feelings” I want to FEEL is, “Connected”.
For me, the word Connected means: Feeling connected to myself, my soul, my purpose, to those I love, to my body, to my work, to the present moment – and its a physical sensation of “being connected” and paying attention.
From this knowing, I can then reflect on what activities, thoughts, books, food, people (the list is endless) gives me a sense of feeling “connected”.
I don’t then expect the outside world to be responsible for providing it! I go out and CHOOSE to interact with the world (people, what I put in my body, where I spend my time, etc) in a way that creates this desired sensation.
I give myself what I need to nurture and grow this feeling.
And the opposite is true too! It’s a great tool to flip the switch and move from an “undesired state” to one I desire.
When I notice that I am not feeling connected, I stop. I notice what I am busy with (action, conversation, thought or environment) and then I CHOOSE to change whatever it is that is making me feel “disconnected”. (What I am doing/thinking/feeling or how I am relating to it)
Perhaps a script is running in my head that is saying, “No one gets you.” I notice what is causing this undesired sensation, and then ask myself, “Is that really true?”, “Is thinking this thought allowing you to feel connected?” and then I shift! Or I get up and dance and get out of my head (and connect to sensation and movement), or I focus on my breathing (to connect to now) or I call a friend and connect!
This works with any word that describes what you want to feel! And then the core desire feelings GUIDE your choices and what you create!
Once you have your words, you can test them by using the method I describe in blog post on your body’s intelligence. The body never lies.
Warning! This is not a “bliss bunny” formula. You cannot avoid the “bad” feelings. Life is all about the duality – and that is how we learn. You are here to live – and we feel before we think! (Most of the time, to truly KNOW something, we have to experience it – else it is just a theory. We learn through all our senses – including the 6th sense). It would be inauthentic (and unrealistic) to never experience the “heavier” feelings.
I believe this method will aid you in changing patterns, reducing undesired feelings, increasing the desired feelings and assist you in making decisions based on how you are feeling or want to feel. It puts the trust and responsibility with you – not with some external rule maker – but on how you want to and are feeling. I think it is a great way to navigate the adventures of your life with YOU as the captain and the compass.
Enjoy the process of creating your life, and I wish you a ROCKING 2014 xxx
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke